Monday, August 01, 2011

As a Result of #PinotSmackdown California to Stop Making Pinot Noir

(NW Wine Anthem: Fake News Edition)

August 18th is #PinotSmackDown but the fight might already be over...

The Winegrowers Association of California announced this afternoon that all vineyard managers under the strictest of orders from the Emperor Robert Mondavi, will be pulling out their Pinot Noir vines after the 2011 harvest. In fact, most of them have decided to quit while they're ahead and pull them this summer. "What's the point?" said California wine magnate Charles Shaw. "I only make plonk, and if you're not interested, you're not interested; fine by me." "What do they expect, this isn't Oregon." Kenneth Wood responded.

And so with that, the three wine giants who control all of the wine holdings in America's largest wine producing state have pulled the plug on what was a "good run" by California Pinot. "Its time has come," said Bob Auclimat "I mean, really, who wants to drink Pinot Noir that is consistently 17% alcohol?" Sure some folks, I'm not saying who, have thrown some Syrah in there, but then you're kissing 19% alcohol." And that proclamation seems to sum up what folks are thinking about California versus Oregon Pinot Noir. And with three weeks until the 2nd Annual Pinot Smackdown, things look grim for the Botox State.

Adding insult to injury, pretty much the only thing California Pinot had going for it (the movie Sideways) has decided to make its sequel in Oregon, at IPNC, which is also... in Oregon. Actor Paul Giamatti remarked, "Well, as an actor I get tons of free stuff, I have like 39 cases of California Pinot at my house, I won't touch it, I'm in the wine clubs at Anam Cara, Luminous Hills and Colene Clemens. Oregon Pinot is where it's at. If you know anyone who might come get this other stuff outta my garage, have your people call my people; we'll arrange something."

Oregon Pinot Noir has never been hotter. "Hell, we just rolled off the release of the 2008s, and the 09s may look a bit hot but 2010; bling bling. We've got those big wigs at the major magazines eating outta our hands. We're straight balling," said Joe Argyle of Argyle Winery. Tory Morr couldn't agree morr saying, "You wanna talk domestic terroirism, you're talking Oregon. California? They make wine there? If they do, it won't be for long."

(Real news from now on...)
Want to help raise the flag for Oregon Pinot Noir, and help bang that final nail in the coffin of California Pinot Noir? Get registered for #PinotSmackdown, which you can do here. Get yourself some Oregon Pinot and come August 18th, get your twitter machine warmed up, invite some friends over and drink and tweet about #OR Pinot, make sure you use the hash tags #OR and #PinotSmackdown in each tweet. Those hashtags, once tallied, will serve to bring the title back to Oregon Pinot for a second year running.

If you're in Seattle be sure to join me, and some of the city's twitterati, at Sixth Avenue Wine Seller in Pacific Place downtown.


excellent work. this should ruffle some feathers.

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